Sunday, May 13, 2012

Back Again!!

Since I last posted we have had 4 more chemo treatments and just as many blood or platelet transfusions.The last two treatments were 5 days each. There were not to many complications this time except from intestinal issues which are being treated by antibiotics. He continues to be in good spirits despite daily injections and twice weekly blood draws at the lab. The use of his legs come and go but will get stronger after chemo is done. There are days that  he cant even get himself into the car because of the little step up.

Jump forward to today.....

Today is mothers day. A day to celebrate our mothers for giving us life and all of the things that they do for us.  I haven't really felt like celebrating today. It was the same thing just another day except that today is the day before JOHNS LAST CHEMO!

For most people they would be jumping for joy and so excited about what it will be like to get back to a life without doctors and hospitals. Not me. I am feeling awful. On one hand , I am excited for him to go and enjoy the summer and being a kid again. On the other , his chemo was a safety net for me. As much as I hate the poison running through his body and the effects it had on him physically, I knew we were safe. Those tumors are not going to grow or spread with all the crap being pumped into his system. Tomorrow that all stops. Then What?

It started a few weeks ago when we finally started talking about life after treatment. It seemed very easy. Get through the last treatment, get scans, get his blood back in good shape and see you in August! WTH!!
I cant make it to August without him being seen by a doctor. I thought i was going to stop breathing right then. Every day for the last 15 months has been spent caring for John. I mentally had to switch everything off , including most family and friends and just concentrate on my husband and children. Can I just switch it back on? I'm thinking not. Mostly because I am still going to worry about Johns health. I am living in a "what if " world and it is hard for me to try to come out of that. What if his tumors are not completely gone? What if they are gone but they grow back somewhere else? What if I miss signs of his cancer returning? What if, What If, What If...............

Some good news........
We went back to the eye doctor and all of the bleeding is 100% better. His vision is still not 100% but it might take a few months for all of the medication to get out of his system. He is going to be seen again in August.
He is also growing hair again, including eyelashes and eyebrows! He is very excited about that. Next weekend, on May 19th, we are walking at the state capital for Walk For Wishes. It is a fundraiser for the make a wish foundation. We have a team of friends and family that will be there to support John after his long journey. If anyone reading this is interested follow this link: 

Our team name is John Hoffman Jr.

I will post again after treatment.